Every day! Never once does anyone comment about the size of my feet. You’d think people on the subway would be more observant.

I bet he sues Apple over this.

I didn’t say it was untrue.

Every accusation is an admission.

I hereby award you the “Royal Order of the Bonespurs!”

“Where did I park my boat?”

–Me, allegedly, a few times.

just enough rum

This does not exist.

There is only “just one more rum,” followed by “that was too much rum.”

Because sailors never got drunk enough to see that version.

Edit: Let me revise that to say “Because sailors never got drunk enough to admit seeing that version when they got drunk enough to see it.”

He’s a master of 1-D tic-tac-toe.

Telling someone who doesn’t have a home to move is the most Trumpian thing he’s done in… like 3 days?

Magic Omnibus is my favorite song by The Who.

“I got winner.”

–Atari 2600, probably

I didn’t know Fort Stewart had a platoon of 12 year old boys who had been abandoned by their fathers.

his ethics are flexible

You keep using that word.

I do not think it means what you think it means.

Huked on fonix, werked fer me!

One moves twice as much product as the other.

Should have moved her to that new camp out in the Everglades.

I got my Freelance ID Card and it got me laid on the first night out at the club! This shit really works!

(p.s. don’t click on scam bait)

They’ll be finished in about 30 years.

The probability of Zaphod showing up in this comment thread is roughly equivalent to a sperm whale suddenly being called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.