No, no, this is the Magic Omnibus (2nd Cousin of the Magic Schoolbus), and you are both fortunate and unfortunate enough to be witnessing its last days.

CHERISH THEM!

My landlord will fix any problem I point out to him, as long as I am willing to wait somewhere between 2 weeks and however long I hold the lease.

Kids have a distinct advantage in this ongoing consumer tech war between parents and kids.

I don’t use TikTok, but I’d be pretty surprised if this wasn’t already starting to trend there, along with ideas for where to put the airtags to fool parents.

Maybe just… talk to your kids?

“It’s his right. His White House, his rules.”

- Some unwashed blue collar Trump voter with less than $100 in his back account

It was a chocolate bar. What else do you eat with spaghetti in the bathtub?

Finish cooking the noodles. Put flavoring in a bowl. Use chopsticks (or a fork I guess, good luck) to move the noodles from the pot to the bowl. Pour enough water from the pot into the bowl to cover the noodles.

No extra dishes, no risk of noodle loss, just the right amount of liquid.

Thought for sure this was straight out of an episode of Venture Brothers till I saw your link.

Rusty Venture’s cocktail recipes were an ongoing gag.

Thanks! I knew there was a term, but just couldn’t conjure it.

Oh, so Hertz has gotten wise to… every online platform that exists: Outsourcing all responsibility for their user-hostile bullshit to some vague “system” that cannot be held accountable.

I’m so sorry but the advertised cost has doubled because… Computer says so! No, sir, there’s nothing I can do, sir, you see it’s the system.

And you can’t go anywhere else, because everyone else is doing it (or soon will be) too!

The ol’ sausage twist

It’s always in the last place you look.

Of course not, the rules are for thee.

See? Trump said he’d create new jobs, and now you can start an exciting new career Disappearing Undesirables, or maybe even become an Official Military Restroom Pecker-Checker! Are we great again yet?

“The Coke of America,” naturally.

🌎👨‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀

“Shitty” is just Trump’s style, so that tracks.

Right there with you. “It’s the hope that kills you” versus “Jesus please just let the world make sense for EVEN. ONE. DAY.”

What claim is he even trying to make here? “Everyone knows someone who’s seen [the Epstein files]”? Nobody’s seen them, and nobody knows anyone who has, and that’s the whole issue.

Comme c’est excitant!