They can still be your prime years in terms of quantity of beaver ass eaten, if not in quality. But I think you sell yourself short. They’re gonna love you!

You’re probably right, but I can’t wait to see the egg on your face if it does turn out to contain glycomacropeptides, α-lactalbumin, β-lactoglobulin, serum albumin and immunoglobulins!

Prediction: we learn in a few years that this balls kid is a rare modern castrato.

What I have barely even counts as a penis.

Ladies? ;)

“I love sketching the curves of your body and you’re welcome to stay here for the evening, if you like.”

Nah, it’s a win, a woman actually willingly touched him.

I wonder if Miss Emely appreciated that. Hell, did anybody ask Noam before blasting his dirty laundry all over the internet?

they’re the wettest regions on earth.

Not according to your mom last night.

I didn’t realize that was how it worked. I just demonstrated responsibility like an hour ago.

Idea for any leftist bakeries out there: charge military members even more, veterans even more still. Refuse to make them cake! Make a big deal about it. Enjoy your free national media attention. Send me a little cut.

Sounds like you’re just salty my cancer is at an all-time high and yours isn’t.

New England North South West seems confusingly named.

“I wish I knew how to quit you, because you have destroyed my internal organs.”

Humpback, indeed!

Although not Jean creamingly if you are me

Edit: I finally understand. “Jean-creamingly.” Ejaculating in denim, not a first name. 10-4.

Mario, voiced by Chris Pratt, will become the new Siri, then the new persona for all AI.

In the future, all global affairs will be divided across the lines of Team Mario and Team Luigi. Then the final battle, then the end.

I feel like it can’t even be close. What would even compete? I know I’ve gone a little overboard with my external hard drive, but I don’t think even I’m to that level.

Why do billionaires always look like creepy Madame Tussauds wax statues?

Like Jesus. Makes you wonder.