This is becoming more common in my town. I just either feel like an ass saying I dont have cash, or lying, but I also can’t be giving out 20’s to everyone who asks.
I feel bad for most of them but at the same time I get anxiety walking down the sidewalk and seeing someone up ahead that I know is going to ask me for money. Its not like you can say “oh no, I donate to services that help the needy” because that person isn’t necessarily being helped by that. And ignoring completely feels so mean, plus I tried that one time and the person was screaming at me as i walked away that I ignored them.
I also dont want my city to round them up and send them to prison camps, something they are planning and that I know a lot of people would vote for just to “get rid of them” but im not supporting that at all.
Its tough.
Just shake your head no and keep walking. Anyone asking for change in the street is used to rejection
A simple “no thank you” works for me if I feel that I need to say anything.
Absolutely ignore them. I will forever vote and say we need to house them and feed them, idgaf. But give them handouts from my poor ass, directly? Hellll no. Negative reinforcement through omission. Begging is not the way. I would rather them rob places and start murdering politicians. This is an entire society problem, not a me problem.
And before anybody calls me selfish, no - it’s an issue of ability over scale. I can kill myself to absolutely help and try to fix one person, but it would cost me so, so much. And just like in a zombie game, if there’s only one zombie, you can melee or whatever. But if there’s a horde, you fix that shit with bigger guns or bring the crew.
What that means is, I’m not rich enough to fight zombies, so I’m walking away. And homeless people can ask me all they want, and I absolutely hold the social right to ignore them like any other person out there begging me to donate to their patreon or watch their ads or whatever they need in society to survive.
Fix the fucking system. Sorry, not sorry, but, capitalism, as it is right now, is not the way.
It’s not tough.
Look them in the eyes like a human being and say “sorry dude, not today”.
Alternatively just carry small amounts of cash to give to them.
Another alternative is asking them if they would like some food instead.
No matter what you do, keep in mind you are very likely a small step away from homelessness yourself.
We tried giving one guy food in Chicago. He kind of wrinkled his nose and said something like “i prefer joe’s” or something. Can’t remember the exact place. Safe to say that our generosity got stifled on that journey after that.
Am not from states.
When I was younger a person who I admired said:
“I always carry some extra money in my wallet for when someone needy asks. It’s not my place to decide if this person needs help or not. Maybe they will use the money for drugs, maybe they need the money for clothes for their children. When I die and get to the pearly gates, I don’t want to find out that I had the opportunity to help someone who needed help and I didn’t help them because I assumed they would spend the money on drugs. Maybe they will spend the money on drugs, but that’s not for me to know right now.”
I thought that was some of the most noble shit my early 20’s ass had ever heard.
Fast-forward a few years to me and my new wife honeymooning in…San Francisco. My noble naive ass brought a wallet full of cash with me so I could help people in need. Nothing terrible happened, but I soon ran out of cash and we decided to start handing out food. NOBODY WANTED THE FOOD. They just wanted the money. I would offer food, and they would just say “do you have any money?”
Anyway, nowadays I just say “sorry bro, I don’t carry cash”.
Less noble person: Always carry some extra drugs for when someone in need asks…
To be somewhat optimistic, in my experience going out to help homeless people, everyone gives food but there’s a lot of other stuff people need. Toothpaste, hand sanitizer, blankets, clothes, etc. are a lot harder to get. There’s also people who live in storage units and need money to cover that. And yeah, theres a lpt of people who just want to buy drugs, but tbh so would I if I had to deal with what they do.
If I were to become homeless, I wouldn’t be worried about finding food, I know where to go to get that, I’d be worried about everything else. Not wanting food doesn’t mean they don’t need help
Depends. I probably give more frequently than the average person. I live in an area with a lot of unhoused people and every encounter is different. I have seen the same people panhandling certain areas and I typically skip those, sometimes it’s someone selling a newspaper specifically made for unhoused people to sell and I’ll tend to buy one from them, sometimes it’s someone asking by a store and I’ll tell them I’ll get them on the way out, if they’re obviously not crazy or aggressive in response then yea I do give them something on the way out if I can. One guy walks straight up into traffic with his dog and it’s never for him. Sometimes I’ll have a bottle of water in the car and I will tend to give that rather than money for the intersection people.
I guess it’s vibes whether I give or not. If the vibe is obviously off or dangerous, nah. I will admit to stereotyping this scenario but if it’s a lady with a headscarf with kids…no that is a f’ed up scam.
But often it’s just someone asking and they’re not being aggressive and I’ll hand them a buck and nine times out of ten they say thank you or God bless you. 1 time out 10 it isn’t as nice or they might ask for more. I don’t belong to a church but in some ways I like the idea of tithing so I have reframed a lot of giving out some money directly as part of that. I donate to orgs too. At the end of the day, they’re people. I have no clue if or how we can solve the homelessness crisis but I have to keep reminding myself that they’re people. So I try to just think of it as if I have it today this could really benefit them and it won’t cost me too much to throw a buck their way.
We are also living in an era of increased fear and I am actively just trying to see people for whoever they are and having more small interactions with whoever. Striking up a little small talk with the cashier or people in line. Cracking a joke to a stranger if we both saw something kinda funny. Trying not to be naive about it and using my best judgement but I think we are losing our ability to just be with each other more and more. We all want to live in a community and have a nice neighborhood. The reality is I chose to live where I do and my community has a lot of unhoused people so I have to accept they are a part of my community. I don’t believe in gated HOA type living for myself, so why should I expect that level of conformity and comfort? I’ll face more discomfort but try to still live within my values in the face of it.
Aaaaand the edible has kicked in.
I don’t usually give money but I do acknowledge them. Usually try to look them in the face and say “sorry I don’t have any cash” or something like that. From having spent time with a few of them (I used to work the night shift at a restaurant and often let people hang out or have a coffee), something that hurts many of them is the dehumanization.
Of course if its not just someone asking for money but someone clearly having a mental breakdown, I do my best not to engage because you never know how that could be taken.
I usual walk around with some small cash, change, etc, and definitely give it out as I’m walking until I’m out.
I just keep a mental note of it and skip the next coffee or odd lunch date, so my budget evens ~ out.
i gave them once, only realized they were lying about thier injury, never again. i just dont have money, but some homeless people can be aggressive/passive aggressive if you dont give them money.
I live in a big city of an decently big country. Here we got many of them particularly around large train stations. I never give to them any money. Reason is - this country has a safety system in order to help people in need like this. If homeless people go against the rules (crime, drugs, abuse of the system) they get kicked out of the shelters. They get help with all sorts of things there and if they really are in dire situation and want to get back to normal life, they would get all necessary help they ever need and more. If they got kicked out, I believe they didn’t really wanted to get back their normal life. And in some cases, I see just youth smoking weed on the side of the street and begging for money. They are not in need, they have families and homes. They just collect money for weed. Fuck those guys, really.
I give money to street performers all the time. This brings life and color to the city.
Been there done that. You never, ever know what’s the story behind a beggar. If I have and feel like it and I’m not in a rush I give. This is a fucked up world.
There was a time in my adult life that I was stealing water from a construction site so I could care for my ill partner after losing work and family members. I did claw out and found new work and a whole new life, but I was down that far and worse and you wouldn’t know it by looking at me now. I’m sure I was more than dirty at the time from having to walk everywhere. I uber’d a lot, but you can’t do that every day.
I came very close to asking strangers for help. I guess I did to some degree, I did ask for help on online forums specifically for that purpose, got very little response… but why does that seem “better” to so many people? Is it the eye-contact with someone you could become? Is it fear that you don’t feel the sympathy you think you should if you look at them?
Is it harder to smile at a poor or homeless person than someone getting out of their nice car? Why or why not?
These are all better questions that readers should ask themselves than try to answer here for the reactions of strangers. We really don’t ponder enough and it’s breaking everything at the seams.
Thanks for sharing. I guess some things in life you only start to acknowledge when you experience them yourself. Getting out of sync with society seems to be one of them.
I lived in a rough neighborhood for a good while. It hardens you to it a bit. I just say I don’t have anything for them.
Ignore and donate to a local shelter and/or kitchen. Do not encourage street harassment. I know it sucks and I know a lot of people are hurting. But community aid should not be divided based on who is the loudest, most aggressive, or most “convincingly in need” based on appearance. (If someone is hungry or thirsty by all means hook up the people in need in your community, never hurts to share food and water)
Or who can fight for that begging spot
Not to mention professional beggars that are hired from a company (black market) and don’t need the money. They are often more effective than the people that really need the money since are more relaxed about it.
I just say “sorry, I haven’t”. I think as long as you just try to acknowledge them in a good way, i.e. smiling, maintaining eye contact, being polite, so you still acknowledge them as the human being that they are.
Sure it’s bad to lie, but so is being insensitive with the truth, whether it’s “I wanna spend the money on myself” or “there are more effective ways to make a difference than giving money to you”
If I am not in a position to give i look the person in the eye, smile apologetically and say, “no, sorry.” I try not to ignore them and i am never rude. No one has ever reacted badly.
I am stunned how few people can be this normal in this post.
You would think that there’s only two choices by people’s responses: either you have to always give everything you can to anyone you see, or you should throw smoke bombs down and disappear like a ninja lest they zap you with homeless laser rays and make you into drugs.
Sometimes I give, sometimes I don’t, kinda depends if I have cash.
As a reasonably sized man, I also try to make eye contact and give a polite “Sorry I don’t have anything today.” For those who really need the help and are trying like hell to get it, I can’t imagine the insult to injury you must feel to not only not get help but also to be treated as though you are invisible. I like to at least let people who ask know that I can see them.
If you’re in a legitimately dangerous place or you feel you may be at risk in some way maybe don’t do this though.
