Wanting a non-binary cutie (preferably one of my partners) to hold me up against their chest and play with my hair right now 🥺 I’m always such a snuggly mess after I take my anti-psychotic, I just instantly want my head on someone’s chest or their lap to fall asleep on.
Oof, psych med withdrawals are terrible. Shit makes me wish I never got on an anti-depressant, I’m shaking and getting brain zaps every 15 minutes. I fucking hate American healthcare, and I hate the state for taking away my insurance.
Outpatient went pretty well today! We had to update my treatment plan (pretty much my short term goals) and I’ve been doing pretty good on all of them, even needing to set a host of new ones. Sometimes it feels like sobriety hasn’t gotten me anywhere, so it’s nice to receive a reminder that it’s gotten me further than I thought I’d be 3 months ago.
Also got drug tested, and passed 😎 it feels so good not to stress out over drug tests anymore
My glasses broke this week when I just pulled them off my face to clean, so I’m back to the world being a blurry haze lol
Making pasta aglio e olio for the third night in a row, except with butter instead of olive oil. Went to a food pantry today so I’m making it for the whole house!
There are a lot worse struggle meals to have. Might make some garlic bread to go with it but I’m not sure if that’d be overkill with the garlic or not, I already have 2 heads cut up for the pasta
We’re reaching levels of cringe I’d never expect out of another trans person, but I guess someone has to beat the stereotype of trans people being cool. This man treats his autism diagnosis like the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him, and what I mean by that is that he’s constantly comparing himself to Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory in a positive way. Look, I’m proud of being autistic too, but fucking Sheldon? That’s who you WANT to be like? He then uses his autism as an excuse to make me act like his Mom all the time. I took him to a food bank this morning, and before I took him I told him he’d need his ID and proof of residency. He then doesn’t bring his wallet and doesn’t text the sober living staff responsible for getting his proof of residency when I told him to, so he has none of the documents they required. He then sits next to me for the next 2 hours while I’m in line asking questions about this place when he knows I just found it online this morning.
Then starts asking me questions about public transit that I’ve already explained to him 3 times and freaking out because he can’t schedule his rideshare more than a day in advance even though I explained this to him last week. He’ll lock himself in the car and keep yanking on the handle harder and harder until I pull the peg for him. Literally every time I let him sit by the door. Every conversation is either me being his Mom or him trauma dumping and telling me about his stupid decisions (such as having his accounts compromised by an ex but not changing the password or taking the account off his phone). And anytime I explain something to him, he’s just like “sorry I’m autistic I don’t understand that”.
He spends his free time “training AI models” and what he means by that is logging onto Gemini and asking it to do things that it can’t do and raging the fuck out when it doesn’t do those things.
I take him to AA/NA meetings and he calls meth “oogie spoogie”.
He doesn’t wash the outside of his dishes so half the time I go to grab a dish it’s dirty.
He used all of his milk eating 2 bags of cereal in the course of 3 days and started accusing people of stealing his milk.
Half of his stories sound like meth delusions he hasn’t figured out are meth delusions yet, and he never shuts the fuck up about them.
How can I go "AYYYYY UHHHH OH AYY OH AY OH YEAHHH"
Yeah and the hourly pay is pretty damn good too, it’s a really bougie restaurant but honestly I miss fine dining a little bit so I’m down for it.
The quest for a second job continues and goes well! I had an interview today that went well, they wanna hire me on as part time and do a second interview when one of the chefs is there, which works because as much as my other job is fucking with me I don’t want to leave it quite yet. This would be my first job with paid time off!
What happened to Big Balls?
This is not true, I used to chain dabs like a mfer. I could easily go through a gram of wax a day when I was smoking. To be fair I also got a gram for like $3 so I didn’t have to hold myself back for cost reasons
Maybe it’s because I did so many American honey shooters back in my drinking days, but it’s wild to see Wild Turkey losing profits. Feel like I probably made up at least 1 percent of those sales personally lol
I drank voodoo ranger when I felt nice to myself in my alcoholism, but normally I wanted the cheapest shit possible so it’d be a steel reserve or worse, hurricane.
Thank you, I try to be. It’s something that’s made me really grateful to be sober, because while I’ve always been a good friend even in my addiction, now I can be an even better friend. I feel like it’s the most important part of being a leftist. The non-leftists around me look up to me enough that by the time I start expressing controversial opinions, they’re open to listening.
Sober living kinda prevents me from doing any real organizing, but I’m able to make the world a more empathetic place by being empathetic. I can feed the people in my house that are hungry when I have the funds for it, or help them apply for food stamps or teach them about the city’s shitty but somewhat functional public transit. It makes it so when I say something like “Mao did nothing wrong” they’re actually interested in what I have to say as opposed to thinking I’m just a hateful person because of the propaganda they’ve been fed
I was a cranky bitch at work today. I’m mostly silent, but towards the end of the shift I started losing my shit a little bit. 12 fucking hours this week. How the fuck do they expect me to pay my goddamn rent let alone eat next week when they’re only giving me 12 fucking hours a week. And I’m supposed to be my normal happy-go-lucky self when I’m literally worrying about how I’m going to eat next week fucking great. I hope any of these jobs I’m applying to work out.
Got some new housemates in. One of them is really cool, the other is a nice person but I can tell that he’s going to annoy me long term but he’s a nice person that’s been taking his recovery more seriously than most who have been through the house so I’ll at least be able to have more patience for him. Taking one of them to his first NA meeting tonight. He has agoraphobia so I stayed up late with him last night running him through a little “practice meeting” just so he kinda knows what to expect. Also ran him how he can treat the “higher power” part of 12 step programs as an agnostic/atheist so he’s less thrown off by that side of the meetings.
I have an interview for a new job on Monday! This one is off the bus line too so transit will be completely free. This is the first kitchen I’ve seen offer paid time off, so I’m assuming it’s a pretty nice place to work
Both of my partners say I’m a much sweeter and affectionate person when I’m off my SSRI. They said I’m really sweet on it, but compared me to being like a puppy off of it. They don’t like me being off my anti-psychotic, but as time goes on I seem to get told that I’m a much more chill person when I’m off Zoloft a lot, even when people don’t know that’s what they’re saying.
I’m really thinking about getting off of it this time around. It’s been like 4 days without it, and even through the withdrawal people think I’m nicer. I started it while I was still drinking and that was feeding into my depression, but I’m not sure I need it anymore. I don’t even feel it when I take it anymore, I used to be a completely different person on and off it and I’m just not sure that’s the case anymore.